ME

 I have been struggling with this for some time. I am a very real person. I tell it how it is and I am pretty laid back. In blog world I have struggled deciding what to reveal about me and what to keep safely tucked inside. I still don't know my comfort zone. Because of this I feel very generic. I post pictures of mine and give a little update but I don't dig in to me at all. I was OK with this for a while because, really, I started the blog as a virtual scrapbook -for improve my english and just a way to document us until I can actually get this stuff into physical scrapbooks, but lately I feel lost in the crowd. I feel like I know so much about other people whose blogs I check regularly, but if you are checking in on me what do YOU really know. Very little. So I have been trying to define my blog in my head and decide my purpose in blogging. In real life I am laid back and I don't play social games, but I am also a private person.(sometimes) I am not one to confide my feelings to others, so why would I want to discuss them openly on my blog? Yet, sometimes I do. Plus, I have changed. Adoption has changed me. Blogging has changed me. The Internet has changed me. I know so much more now than I used to know and so I have opinions and feelings about things now that were never a part of me before. I want to confront the new me. Somehow I find it safer to do that in blog world. Seems weird.


For today I will jump on your platform. WORKING is hard!!! It has kicked my butt ....comfortable place and now I have started all over. I would not change it for the world, but after almost a year of being here..*Putrajaya* I feel I am just now breathing again...and only barely. My patience has been tested in more ways than I care to admit. I have been snappy and short with my surroundings. I also feel I lost some major control over them for a while. The past few weeks, I am resurfacing. I am feeling less out of control, less chaotic. could just kick myself for not getting my act together sooner. But I have been exhausted and overwhelmed. I also feel so relieved right now to at least think that we are turning a corner. Pieces of my old self are falling back into place while at the same time these new pieces that I have picked up along the way (raising a girl, adopting, blogging, attachment issues, as well as the worldly issues that I feel so more in tuned to now like fashions, gossipping environmental issues, etc.) are all beginning to fit together into the new puzzle that is me. It feels good and it feels weird. I can no longer look at things the same way. I feel empathy and sympathy in ways I never before felt. I was never purposefully insensitive, I was just blissfully ignorant.

So thanks for the challenge, ALLAH. It feels good to share...

hugs,

YAYA